Sometimes you have to read between the lines. Is it time for you to get a new gig?
1. Your boss no longer lets you have time in the egg: Going in the egg is the joy of any employee. If your boss is limiting or even canceling your egg time, you should seriously consider a career change.
2. Management doesn’t trust you with the office baby: It’s exciting when it’s your turn to take the office baby home for the weekend, but if the company starts bypassing you on the rotation because they don’t trust you with the very simple responsibilities of refilling the baby’s food bowl and changing out its wood shavings, it’s pretty clear that you’re undervalued as an employee.
3. Your ID picture has morphed from a beautiful smile to a terrifying frown: Yep, there is just no doubt that you should start fine-tuning that résumé.
4. There is a passage in the Bible that several theologians have interpreted as a prophecy about you switching jobs: If several notable theologians have performed an exegesis of a biblical passage and determined that it is a prophecy about you switching jobs, it might be time to see what other employment opportunities are available to you.
5. Your coworkers have turned your desk into a candlelit memorial shrine with photos of you as a teenager: A crying man you have never met is sitting in your chair, and your boss has sent you an incoherent email with the subject line “R.I.P.” Take the hint.
6. The man chained to the wall of the elevator comments on your weight gain: If you walk into the elevator one morning and the man chained to the elevator says, “You are so soft and fleshy now. I remember the slender days of your youth. Please never unchain me from this elevator,” then that may be an indication that you’ve overstayed your welcome.
7. Your last performance review was just the word “Hobgoblin”: This could mean a lot of things, but they all add up to “Time to get a move on.”
8. A wealthy gentleman has offered to employ you as his human towel: Sometimes, even when things are perfectly fine at work, a lucrative opportunity of being the human towel that a wealthy businessman uses to dry off after he gets out of the shower comes along. Turn in your two weeks notice ASAP.
9. You have finished your cup of coffee: No need to be overly sentimental about it—in the modern working landscape, people switch jobs often.
10. Every company team-building exercise involves killing you: Workplaces need to feel cohesive, but if that involves you being tied to your wheelie chair and thrown through the glass of the sixth story window, it might be time for a change.