If you really loved us, Mom, you’d never pack these snacks again.


1. Graham crackers were okay when we were 5, but we’re tired of them now.


2. Baby carrots…gross!

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3. Why would you ever pack Mint Oreos? Do you think that because the frosting’s green it’s somehow healthier?

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4. We’re tired of new chip flavors. It’s either barbecue, original, or nothing.

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5. Fig Newtons are the cookies people donate to homeless shelters.

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6. If we’re ever in the mood for three to four viscous grapes mixed in with yellow stuff, we’ll let you know.

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7. Cookies from a metal tin. Where are these things even from?

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8. Kale chips. These just go without saying.

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9. We like microwaved popcorn at home. Not at school!

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10. Pretzel Goldfish. If you can’t pretend to smoke it, then it’s not a pretzel shape we’re interested in.

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