Probably one of the pickiest daters in the world, Jerry Seinfeld’s character on Seinfeld is constantly meeting ladies who have idiosyncratic quirks that he can’t stand. Here are 15 of the episodes of Seinfeld when Jerry ended up dating a woman with “man hands.”
In this Season 2 episode, Jerry is annoyed with a construction guy outside his building who’s always trying to start conversations with him—until the guy sets Jerry up on a date with his sister. Unfortunately, the sister shows up and Jerry is put off by her large, masculine hands. He later explains to Elaine and George that he had to cut the date short because he simply couldn’t stand to look at them, saying, “A woman should have the hands of a woman, but this woman had the hands of a man! I’m talking man hands!”
“The Thumbs-Up” is an episode about a woman Jerry dates for two weeks until she gives him a thumbs-up, drawing Jerry’s attention to her “nuclear-grade man hands.” Jerry runs from her apartment screaming, “I can’t take it! You have the wrong hands! People, she has the WRONG hands!”
George tries to interpret a mysterious side-hug he got from a female friend, while Jerry realizes the woman he’s been flirting with at the camera store is actually a set of twins—and both of them have man hands.
In this classic episode, Jerry ends another relationship, this time with a beautiful woman named Gillian. Her only flaw? A pair of “man hands.”
In Season 5’s “The Man Hands,” both Jerry and George are dating beautiful women with large, coarse “man hands” and are forced to cook up a plan to fake a murder-suicide so they can “escape the hands.” Elaine quips, “I’m dating someone with man hands, too—but he’s a man!”
Jerry and the gang spectate a marathon, and Jerry becomes smitten with a woman in the lead pack who smiles at him during the race. Meeting her at the finish line, he is horrified to learn that she has man-hands, and he sprints away through the streets of New York.
In this Season 6 episode, George sets Jerry up with a coworker, saying, “She’s amazing, but I’ve got to warn you—she has man hands.” Jerry agrees to be set up with George’s coworker, but makes an embarrassing faux pas when he tells his date, “So, you’re the woman with man hands I’ve heard so much about.” She slaps him, confirming for him that she indeed has man hands.
Jerry can’t figure out why he feels like his girlfriend’s hands are so upsetting to him, until he realizes they resemble a man’s hands. “Bad hands?” Jerry says, “They weren’t bad hands, they were MAN hands!”
Elaine gets embroiled in a fight with another woman at a silent auction who is bidding on the same antique bowl as her. Meanwhile, Jerry is becoming interested in the woman, but he can’t stop picturing his own hands in place of hers. Confused as to whether she has man hands or he’s just imagining his own hands on her wrists, he descends into panic and is removed from the auction on a stretcher.
In “The Dog Park,” Jerry dog sits a neighbor’s dog and takes it for a walk, accompanied by his new girlfriend, who he has recently realized has man hands. Jerry secretly prays that the dog will bite her hands, forcing her to undergo a hand transplant. The girlfriend catches Jerry begging God to make the dog bite her hands and breaks up with him on the spot.
Mid-relationship, Jerry falls in love with another woman—one with man hands. His girlfriend is furious. “Seriously?” she yells at Jerry, “Have you seen her HANDS?” “Oh yeah,” he replies, “Believe me, you can’t miss them. Because they’re man hands. And so are yours!”
“The Man Hands Party” is an episode in which Kramer brings Jerry along to a party he was invited to that turns out to be a happy hour gathering for women with man hands. Jerry can’t turn his head at the event without falling in love with a woman with man hands, and he asks Kramer’s advice on how to get past his preoccupation with the hands. “Man hands are just hands,” Kramer tells Jerry, but Jerry shakes his head. “No, they’re not,” he says. “They’re man hands.”
Jerry is put off when he and Elaine go on a double date at 5:30 p.m., and even more so when he notices his date’s man hands. Elaine is mortified in front of her boyfriend when Jerry tells the waiter, “I’ll have a hamburger, and by the way, this lady has man hands!”
In “The Haircut,” Jerry’s usual barber is out sick, and he instead gets a haircut from a beautiful woman whose hands he considers strong and hairy enough to be deemed “man hands.” “Why do all the most incredible women have man hands?” he asks her in tears. “I don’t know,” she whispers. “No one does.”
Jerry has been dating a woman for sixth months and has finally come to terms with her man hands, until they go shoe shopping together and he realizes that she also has large, masculine feet. “Man hands I can understand, but you also have man feet! You have man hands on your feet, and they’re the feet of a man, and I’m talking about man feet and man hands, too!” he tells her. “We have to break up! Good riddance!”