When you’re hitting the strip club with your parents in tow, be sure to check out these scintillating hot spots that offer plenty of stuff for them to do while you’re busy watching the dancers.
1. Diamond Cabaret, Las Vegas: This Sin City destination is packed with more than its fair share of leggy blonds, and also a no-nonsense barber’s chair, where your dad can get a quick shave while you take in the show. Just look for the only stripper pole that has spinning stripes of red, white, and blue, and let the barber chat with your dad about hockey and Billy Joel while the cabaret’s scantily-clad employees dance an alluring burlesque for your entertainment.
2. Legs Oasis, Milwaukee: This club may be most famous for its exotic dancers, but its champagne room is also Wi-Fi-enabled and has a wireless printer in the corner, making it the perfect business center for any parent willing to pay $150 per half hour to check their work email and print out quarterly reports. Legs Oasis even has a full tech team standing by to help your parents trouble-shoot any email issues, and you’ll be able to slip more than enough dollar bills into G-strings before the business center closes at 11 and you have to take your parents home.
3. Wild Stallions, Miami: You’ll love hitting this cowboy-themed bar for a fun night on the town, and your parents will love the one dancer who doesn’t strip but instead just tells them historical facts about the Wild West. Your parents will spend the entire night sitting rapt with attention as they learn about Billy the Kid and the financial pressures associated with owning a saloon in the late 19th century while you watch the bar’s oiled-up and muscular hunks do what they do best.
4. Jack Stetson’s Hustler Club, San Francisco: Nestled just beneath the flashing neon cabaret signs is a reading nook your parents can cozy up in to log a few quality hours with their latest paperback. The light beams bouncing off the dancers’ disco bras will help your parents who struggle to read in low light fly through the last few chapters of their novel just in time for book club, all while you’re enjoying some private time with one of the women working the pole that night.
5. Amber Fox Gentleman’s Club, Chicago: This upscale establishment brings a touch of class to the art of stripping, and is also stocked with more than 300 DVDs of films from the Criterion Collection. Arguing over their favorite scenes in Casablanca and gushing over Stanley Kubrick will keep your parents occupied for hours as you enjoy the club dancers’ tasteful partial nudity.