The social dynamics of an orgy can be difficult to navigate for even the most self-assured individuals, especially if you show up dressed in a Bulbasaur costume. But follow these tips for how to competently rock your Pokémon getup, and pretty soon you’ll be the life of the fuckfest.
1. Do a lap around the house right off the bat to see if anyone’s turned on by Bulbasaur’s large, unwieldy bulb: While the other people at the orgy likely opted for seductive masks and sexy lingerie, that doesn’t automatically mean you won’t be able to rustle up at least a person or two who are interested in your full-body Bulbasaur costume. Politely check in with the robed men sipping champagne on chaise lounges and the women massaging each other by the Jacuzzi to see if any of them have a fetish for giant tumorous bulbs on the backs of cartoon monsters. While it might not be that common of a turn-on, finding even one scantily clad partygoer who can’t keep their hands off your weird green back bulb will help others see the erotic potential in your Bulbasaur duds.
2. Add some loud Bulbasaur noises to the symphony of fuck sounds: The gasps and moans of pleasure emanating from the writhing mass of bodies are any orgy’s bread and butter, but adding some high-pitched Bulbasaur grunting to the mix could be just the thing to elevate the pleasure to a whole new level. As people in the throes of ecstasy shout each other’s names, join in by moaning, “Bulba, Bulba!” as loud as you can in the same shrill, distressing tenor the character uses in the cartoon. Amid the standard array of orgy noises, your Bulbasaur vocalizations will sound exotic and unexpected, and there’s a good chance they might ignite a spark in the loins of a MILF or two who subconsciously recognize the sound from when their children used to watch Pokémon. “What is that familiar sound?” they’ll ask themselves. “And why does it make me so wet?”
3. Convince others that there’s a Pokémon episode called “Bulbasaur Trades Mates!” in which Bulbasaur is canonically revealed to be a swinger: The orgy participants may fear that your baggy Bulbasaur costume is too much of a departure from their beaked masks and leather cat suits to contribute to the sensual atmosphere, but you can ease those concerns by explaining the plot of your invented Pokémon episode in which Ash loses his Bulbasaur, only to later find him trading wives with another Bulbasaur in a field. The orgy participants won’t be able to help but identify with the part of the episode in which Bulbasaur expresses his carnal curiosity by engaging in a ménage à trois with an alligator and a bison calf, and they’ll undoubtedly be titillated by your description of the episode’s bittersweet final scene, in which Ash’s Bulbasaur says farewell to his master to go spend the rest of his days practicing sexual non-monogamy with other kinky grass Pokémon and varmints. Once they realize that Bulbasaur isn’t so different from them, they’ll welcome your costume with open arms… and legs.
4. Show them how the bulb on your back is structurally sound enough to anchor a sex swing: Other orgy participants might initially resent your hulking, cumbersome bulb for how it takes up so much mattress space and essentially imposes a dead zone of intimacy wherever it is lugged, but they may warm up to it once you demonstrate that, due to its immensity and rugged construction, it can easily support the weight of a sex swing, along with the weight of any adults who want to pile on. The nubile coeds draped in lace and velvet will be impressed by your Bulbasaur costume’s practicality and will be eager to hitch their erotic apparatuses to your immense green carapace, trusting that it will serve as a reliable and sturdy foundation for even their most gymnastic fuck maneuvers. Bulba, Bulba!
5. Above all, don’t be intimidated: Remember: You have as much of a right to be wearing a Pokémon costume that covers every inch of skin as the other partygoers do to be naked and oiled up. Confidence is the world’s most powerful aphrodisiac, so keep your head held high and any efforts to unfasten the Velcro that attaches Bulbasaur’s vines to your torso to a minimum, and get ready for a long night of lovin’.
