If it wasn’t one of these, then maybe it’s one of these:

  1. 1950s microphone
  2. Prop for teaching geometry
  3. Tool for steadying the elderly
  4. Hands-free toothbrush
  5. Announcement of a new pope
  6. Example of sports equipment
  7. Medieval divining pendulum that indicates location of witch
  8. Budget zen garden
  9. Means by which sentient action figure descends through sunroof
  10. Government wiretap
  11. Accurate model of first-trimester fetus
  12. Thing a shut-in says, “Mornin’, Rodney!” to
  13. Karate training implement
  14. Scrapped early draft of ball-in-cup game
  15. Way to announce yourself to other swingers in the area
  16. Frog chrysalis
  17. Gift from a hunchback
  18. Poor attempt to keep up with the Joneses
  19. Pulley for Nickelodeon slime shower
  20. Signal to purchase more tennis balls
  21. Detached cow eyeball
  22. Baffling glory hole
  23. Proof of god
  24. Proof there is no god
  25. Unrealistically skinny mannequin
  26. All that remains of a once-great tennis ball necklace
  27. Heavy-flow tampon
  28. Apparatus to frighten horses into obedience
  29. Whatchamacallit
  30. Thingamajig
  31. Doohickey
  32. All a father could scrape together for his kid’s birthday
  33. Tells farmers when rain is coming
  34. Scoreboard for someone named Wilson
  35. Fixed point to stare at during torture
  36. Dehydrated melon
  37. Five-in-one fitness device
  38. Thing albino crocodiles congregate around at midnight
  39. Dummy apple to help newly released prisoners reacclimate to the real deal
  40. Distraction from crumbling marriage
  41. The last thing you’ll see as the flood takes you away
  42. Kissing practice
  43. Shaving practice
  44. Simulates a mother’s touch for orphaned infants
  45. Warning to other sports equipment
  46. Sounding board for nervous man’s pickup lines
  47. Stash spot
  48. The Canadian version of tetherball, TortherSport
  49. Shitty vigil
  50. Hummingbird lure
  51. Thing to whack with a tennis racket

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