We’re counting down to the birth of Prince William and Kate Middleton’s new baby, but until then, here’s a look at a few of the amenities the baby will be enjoying in the royal womb over the next nine months:

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  1. Pressurized jets for relaxing in-utero massages
  2. Two royal foot guards who stand watch at the base of the cervix at all times
  3. Twelve doves that will fly out of the birth canal and into the skies of London to signal the successful delivery of a new royal baby
  4. A bunch of George’s crap that he didn’t take with him
  5. A ladder to get to Kate’s stomach if the baby gets hungry
  6. Full access to a summer womb in the south of France for when the royal baby needs a break from the stresses of city life

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