These cemeteries aren’t shy about the fact that they will do just about anything to be the final resting place of the Fresh Prince.
The stretch of Interstate 80 that runs through Nebraska is lined with hundreds of billboards for Littlefield Cemetery that directly address Will Smith with phrases like “Please Be Dead Here, Will Smith,” “Last Stop To Pull Over And Permanently Rest For Next 80 Miles, Will Smith!” and “‘Nebraska: The Will Smith’s Grave State.’ You have to admit, Will, it really does have a ring to it. Let’s make it happen!”
This Catholic cemetery in Providence is betting hard on Will Smith wanting to be buried alongside his former Fresh Prince cast mate and musical collaborator DJ Jazzy Jeff, and has constructed two massive sepulchers with a connecting tube that would enable Smith and Jazzy Jeff to be holding hands as they lie down for their eternal slumber. They’ve already sold Jazzy Jeff his tomb, so time will tell if it’s enough to lure Smith into purchasing his.
Formerly just the Beth Shalom Jewish Cemetery, this Cincinnati cemetery catered exclusively to the city’s Jewish population until it decided in the mid-’90s to go all in on trying to get Will Smith to buy one of its grave plots. The cemetery’s logo features a Star of David that Will Smith is leaning against while giving a thumbs-up, and the official slogan on the cemetery’s website boasts of “Serving Cincinnati’s Jewish Community Since 1901 And Hopefully Will Smith Whenever He Dies.”
Located directly across the street from one another, these two cemeteries, who have been competing for Will Smith’s grave for years, have cast aspersions on each other’s ability to provide a satisfactory grave for the star in a series of highly personal attack ads. It started when the Johnson brothers printed a full-page ad in the local paper that read, “The Hubbard brothers are virgins. Leave your remains with two brothers who HAVE had sex, Will Smith. Paid for by Johnson Brothers Cemetery.” The Hubbard brothers immediately responded with their own full-page ad in the local paper the next day that read, “Actually, the Johnson brothers are the real virgins, not the Hubbard brothers. The Hubbard brothers have had sex a BUNCH of times, Will Smith. Maybe it’s time to consider getting buried at a cemetery owned by two non-virgin brothers. Paid for by Hubbard Brothers Cemetery.” Over the years, the two sets of brothers have bought so much ad space in the local paper that it now contains no news and is exclusively a vehicle for the two cemeteries to call each other virgins while duking it out for Will Smith’s grave.
Northridge Cemetery is currently advertising a special promotion where if Will Smith purchases one of its grave plots, it’ll throw in a goldfish free of charge.
Though it typically reserves burials for service members, Arlington National Cemetery has made it pretty clear that it’d be willing to loosen the restrictions on what qualifies as military service in order to accommodate Will Smith’s burial. That was certainly the message it was trying to get across in a commercial that aired during Super Bowl XLV, which featured the Independence Day scene where Will Smith punches an alien followed by the text, “Thank you for your service, Pvt. Smith. You are now eligible for burial at Arlington National Cemetery.”
Wow, with all these great choices, we do not envy Will Smith having to make the tough decision of where to inter his earthly remains for eternity!