The world is a dangerous place, but it can also be a very friendly place. What do you do if someone approaches you and you can’t tell if they’re trying to kill you or just hug you? You don’t want to mess this up! Here are the best mild ways to defend yourself in the event this happens to you.
1. Hug them back with a stronger hug: This one completely covers both bases. If the person approaching you is giving you a friendly hug, they’ll think your powerful hug back is one of love. If they’re trying to kill you, your big bear hug will disable their arms and make them powerless to harm you. It’s the perfect solution to what could otherwise be an awkward encounter.
2. Pepper-spray one of their eyes, but even it out by squirting some refreshing eyedrops in the other: By making one eye feel terrible and the other eye feel great, you’ll be sure they never feel a thing, blinding potential attackers in a way that’s virtually unnoticeable in the event they’re only hugging you.
3. Run away screaming, but in a playful way: This is something you should be practicing at home in case, God forbid, this exact situation ever arises. By running away while playfully taunting your attacker/hugger to “Come and hug me!” you’ll at once diffuse a potential violent attack with an insane command that will make you look unstable, and seem like you’re just having fun teasing them if it’s actually an incoming hug.
4. Feign death: If someone starts trying to wrap their arms around you, try to stay calm and pretend to die. If they were planning on murdering you, they’ll leave you alone once they see their job is done, and if they were hugging you, they’ll think you just died out of gratitude for their great hug, so it’s a win-win.
5. Stab them discreetly so they don’t notice: A quick stab to the kidneys with a 9-inch dagger will be nearly undetectable if you casually conceal the blade in your shirt sleeve when you strike. Someone who’s just giving you a friendly squeeze won’t notice, yet it will cause an attacker to bleed out in seconds.
6. Disguise a plea for your life as a quick update on how things are going with you: Blurting out, “I have two kids and a wife I love very much and I am about to retire to Florida and I volunteer helping homeless people find work and I don’t have any money on me and I promise I won’t tell anyone what you look like,” is great way to both deter an attack and fill someone in as to how you’re doing while they hug you.