6 Unlikely Animal Friendships That Are Never Gonna Fucking Happen, No Matter How Much You Want Them To

Sorry to burst your bubble, but you know it’s true.


1. Milo the lion and Georgie the german shepherd

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If you thought the king of the jungle and man’s best friend couldn’t be pals, then guess what? You were 100 percent spot-on! Look, these adorable animals simply don’t mix, and no matter how hard you try, a friendship between them is never going to fucking happen, not in a million years.


2. Harold the domestic rabbit and a wild faun

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This adorable baby deer and this oversize fluff-ball might not seem like the ideal snuggle buddies, and let’s be real: That’s because they’re not and they never goddamn will be. By all means, go ahead and imagine it all you want, but know that these two animals would, under no circumstances, ever be friends, and if they were it’d be because they’re fucked-up, unnatural abominations.


3. Candahar the giraffe and a wild finch

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Awww! When have you ever in your life seen something so big hanging out with something so adorably small? Absolutely fucking never, that’s when. What, you want the bird to gently rest its head on the giraffe’s stomach or something? News flash: That would only ever happen in a goddamn child’s fantasy. Three words for you, buddy: Get. A. Grip.


4. Litter of pigs and a grizzly bear cub

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Okay, serious question—are you high? Is a bear befriending a litter of pigs some kind of sick, twisted fantasy of yours, or what? At this point, this is just getting sad. Don’t you think it would be a much better use of your time to focus on friendships with real potential, rather than this impossible pig-bear pipe dream?


5. Mahalo the elephant and Harry the goat

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Hey, maybe we’ve been too harsh. It’s not that you’re crazy to want these wildly different species to be friends—it’s good of you to dream big! Just know you can’t get everything you want in life, whether it’s a goat and an elephant being friends, or really anything else. So accept it—these two are never going to get along and, unfortunately, there’s nothing you can do about it.


6. Irma the chimp and Blizzard the snow leopard

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Come on, man. You fucking know better.

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