Knowledge is power.
1. Put a pork slice in there and see if it makes that real pork-on-cup sound: Just give it a couple shakes and listen for that unmistakable sound that can only come from cup-to-pork contact. If so, friend: You have a cup on your hands.
2. Mail a letter to the Department of Drinking Receptacles: This government agency was started by Dwight Eisenhower in 1953 to help citizens identify what items in their homes are cups. It’s your tax dollars at work, so take advantage!
3. Apply the helpful acronym C.U.P.: It stands for “Cups Usually Pour,” and it just might save your ass one day.
4. It’s big enough to fit your entire tongue into, but small enough that you can’t swim inside: Remember: You should be able to reach the liquid, but if you feel yourself drowning, you are not drinking from a real cup.
5. It meets the biblical definition of a cup: Think back to your days in Sunday school to recall that “with hole in top, open to the Lord, and bottom closed to sin, such is the true cup.” Leviticus 6:19. Who said Church was useless??
6. It says “Welcome to Hawaii” on it: If you don’t know if it’s a cup or not by this point, you’re a lost cause.