Those who teach can’t stand these.

1. “Stop wasting your time teaching my kid about math. The only skill I want her to learn is how to debone a salmon, and how to do it quickly.”

Advertisement

2. “My son smells like recess.”

3. “I was saving telling my daughter about the Emancipation Proclamation for her 18th-birthday gift, and you spoiled it.”

4. “You only watch my child eat lunch. I watch him eat breakfast and dinner.”

5. “Please stop shaving my son and me.”

6. “Today when I came to pick up my daughter, she gave me a bad report card, so I came in here to complain, but I think I went in the wrong door, and found myself in the library. An old blind man gave me a book that he said had all the answers I needed, but when I opened it, all I saw was a drawing of the sun and moon. I became dizzy as the two began to circle one another, and I was shown the truth of the universe from the very beginning to the end of time. Anyway, I wanted you to know that I know what a ribosome is now, so I am going to homeschool my child.”

Advertisement

7. “I only agreed for my child to be taught by the bus person.”