Next time you’re craving a burger and fries, keep these things in mind.
“The cows used in Burger King meat are fed exclusively stingrays, and in massive quantities. They are fed so much stingray that you’re effectively eating a stingray whenever you bite into a Whopper.”
“People think that Chick-fil-A is closed on Sundays for religious reasons, but that’s not true at all. The restaurant is closed on Sundays because that’s the day the entire staff goes off into the woods to dig for chicken meat.”
“The voice you hear at the drive-thru is actually a worker at a call center in India, where thousands of people do the job pro bono simply for the thrill of hearing Americans say how much food they’re going to eat. It’s become somewhat of a pastime over there, apparently.”
“If you were to remove all the balls from the ball pit at any McDonald’s PlayPlace, you would find a door. If you were to open the door, you would find a small pit. If you were to climb into the pit, you would become trapped. If you were to scream for help, only the manager would hear you. It is then up to the manager to decide whether you live or die. I had to make many hard decisions.”
“Any Sonic employee caught telling customers ‘Marvin Gaye was murdered by his father of the same name, and I think a good newspaper headline for that story would have been Marvin Killed By Fellow Marvin’ is immediately fired, no exceptions.”
“Never order a milkshake from a Shake Shack. At my location, peregrine falcons were constantly drowning in the milkshake machine, and we never cleaned them out.”
“The Dominos pizza tracker works both ways. We see where you are at all times and what you are doing at all times. The difference is that our version lasts for more than 30 minutes.”