The temperature outside may be nearing zero, but your bank account won’t be!

1. Replace your boiler with JFK’s Eternal Flame: Why pay for heat when you could have the iconic presidential memorial provide you with never-ending warmth instead?


2. Turn down your thermostat during arguments with your family: The body heat individuals generate during quarrels with family members is more than enough to supplement your furnace running on a lower setting.

3. Call your heating utility and ask them if they’re sure they want all of the money that they’ve billed you for: It’s possible they only want some of it.

4. Blow big mouthfuls of nice warm air into your couch cushions: Unplugging your cushion warmers and doing it the old-fashioned way will not only save you money, but it’s also good exercise for your mouth.

5. Only allow your warm children to sleep inside: Send the cold ones away.

6. Insulate your attic: If you don’t have an attic, make sure to build one right away so that you can insulate it for the winter.


7. Ask your heating provider if they have a Shivering Man’s Discount: Some utility companies offer discounts to customers who shiver the most. Get in touch with your provider to see if you qualify.