Let’s face it: No one really knows who they are in high school. While looking back on the different masks you tried on as a teenager can be embarrassing, it’s gotta be somewhat comforting to know that we all went through it. Here are a few identities that everyone tries out in high school.
1. The kid who drags a dead pelican around on a leash
Oh, boy, we all went through this phase. You get to high school a normal, average teenager, and then suddenly you’re the kid who’s dragging a large dead pelican around campus on a metal leash, introducing it as your new pet, and constantly stuffing its bill with herring you keep in your backpack. Of course, it seems lame now, but what high schooler could possibly resist the pelican? It smells so bad but looks so damn cool.
2. The kid who drinks from a water fountain 10 hours a day
Sure, you’re probably not proud of it, but at some point you definitely were the kid who stuck their lips to a nozzle and sucked down cold, crisp H2O from morning till night. Whatever, you were young!
3. The sensitive astronaut
Brushing your bangs aside beneath your pressurized polycarbonate helmet so you could look deep into a girl’s eyes and tell her she’s more breathtaking than any star cluster you’ve ever seen? Smooth. Having your facemask pop open when you’re trying to kiss her and then writhing in agony as you’re exposed to the hostile oxygen levels of the terrestrial atmosphere? Not so smooth.
4. The parents-drowned-in-soda kid
At one point or another, we’ve all experimented with being the kind of person whose parents drowned in a big cooler of soda. On the plus side, everyone thinks you’re extremely cool because your parents obviously had access to a lot of soda, which is awesome, but you also have to deal with everyone constantly asking you what kind of soda your parents drowned in and whether they could drink some of the soda.
5. The slut from the deep
Let’s not pretend you didn’t go through this phase. High school is that tumultuous period when you’re first discovering your sexuality and also spending a lot of time lurking menacingly in the darkest chasms of the ocean, slurping the blood of prehistoric isopods and scavenging whale corpses for survival. It’s okay; it happens to everyone!
6. The punk underneath things
It might be embarrassing to admit it, but we’ve all spent some time being the kind of person who crawls underneath things and whispers, “Now I am a punk.” Whether it was buses, tables, cars, other people, or even sand, there was a period in our lives when we wouldn’t hesitate to crawl underneath things and say, “Now I am a punk.”
7. The kid who died in a DUI
You die ONE TIME in a fiery, alcohol-induced car crash and all of a sudden you’re the dead kid from the DUI forever. Ugh, so high school.
