You know the birds and the bees. What about the rest? Here are seven mating rituals that showcase nature in all its complexity and beauty.
Orangutans: Orangutans are among a special group of animals with mating rituals based around the lunar cycle, meaning that whenever a full moon is in the sky, male orangutans will climb the tallest tree and try to have sex with the moon, only settling for a female orangutan once they grow tired of stretching their penises outward so they might touch the moon with it.
Armadillos: In the “Armadillo’s song,” the male armadillo’s penis makes an annoying high-pitched whirring sound until a female armadillo is so annoyed by it that she silences it by having sex with him.
Alligators: During mating season, male alligators stand upright and walk around on their hind legs and place their arms on their hips and sometimes even ride bikes until a female alligator gets horny from watching them.
Beavers: The male beaver and female beaver each recite a fun fact about beavers, taking a step closer to one another as they do so. At some point, they get so close that they’re actually mating.
Elephants: Before having sex, the female elephant will coat her male partner in sticky, boiling hot Pepsi that only comes out of her trunk when she’s “in the mood.”
Iguanas: When it is time for iguanas to mate, the male iguana climbs on top of a female fox and the female iguana climbs on top of a male fox. The two iguanas ride their foxes straight at each other at full speed, and when the foxes collide with each other, the iguanas are flung forward and collide in midair. As they fly through the air, the male iguana impregnates the female iguana, who sprays eggs in all directions as she hurtles haphazardly toward the sky. When the mating ritual is complete, both iguanas hit the ground and die.
Bonobos: The male bonobo spends a full year trying to work up the courage to ask for a kiss. If he is rejected or the kiss isn’t that good, he will crawl up a tree and scream at God for giving him such good lips for kissing but no one to share them with.