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7 Of Hillary’s Stances That Could Come Back To Haunt Her

The Democratic candidate has provided her opponents with their fair share of ammunition over the years. Here are seven of Hillary’s stances that could come back to haunt her before all is said and done.

1. A revived American economy rests on the shoulders of oxen: The Great Recession brought out a litany of strident pronouncements for fixing the economy, but Hillary’s emphatic statement that “only the power of the mighty ox” could possibly buoy the spiraling dollar simply did not bear out. Critics of her economic record could seize on this viewpoint to hammer her fiscal sensibilities.

2. The 1 percent should be allowed in Six Flags an hour early so they don’t have to wait for rides: Long accused of being an ally of America’s financial elite, Hillary probably wishes she could sweep some of her old policy decisions under the rug, namely a vote on a 2004 bill that supported exclusive early access to Six Flags rides for high-income individuals on the grounds that “working-class animosity toward [their] lawfully earned prosperity” could pose a safety threat.

3. The Power Rangers are siblings: Hillary hadn’t seen a single episode of the hit children’s TV program before making the extraordinary claim that all five original Power Rangers and Tommy the Green Ranger are siblings, and that the gas man Zordon is their father. Series creator Haim Saban has since clarified that the Power Rangers are from separate families who are at war with one another.

4. The man who is stuck in the well should stay in the well: There’s just no doubt about it: People want that man out of that well, and anyone who has ever said otherwise has a big target on their back.

5. A fistfight between friends is technically a small war: The only stance Hillary has taken on war is this one, and if it resurfaces, Americans—especially those who have just brawled—will be upset.

6. More tasty nuggets for Hillary: It seemed likely that Hillary would one day regret saying “I want those nuggets, gimme gimme all your tasty little nuggets” after she uttered it in a speech back in 2009. She may finally be forced to answer for why she demanded “more slippery little nuggets for hungry Hillary” seven years ago, and we’ll see if voters are willing to forgive her for it.

7. Go to prison: At the 1996 New Hampshire primaries, Hillary delivered the shortest and fiercest speech of her career: “Go to prison.” Twenty years later, this hard-line stance is less popular than ever. Americans don’t want to go to prison.