The very idea that I would be friends with the Mucinex Man is incredibly insulting. Even just looking at a picture of this awful snotman gets me all riled up!


1. Look at him. Look at how smug he is.

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2. There is just no way I would ever give the Mucinex Man my stamp of friendship. Just no way!

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3. Your nice new clothes aren’t fooling anybody. Buzz off, Mucinex Man! Don’t let the door hit you on the way out.

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4. Heck, if you’re a friend of the Mucinex Man, I’m just not so sure I can be friends with you!

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5. Christ, there’s a family full of these horrible monsters. You can be certain that I would never befriend any of them!

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6. How did this no-good joker get hired by Mucinex in the first place? It is unbelievable that Mucinex expects our trust despite employing such a buffoon as a salesman! I’ll take a chest full of phlegm before I help pay the salary of this terrible slug.

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7. Yep, there is just no way I would ever buy Mucinex from this degenerate. Take your snake oil elsewhere, you rascal!

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