Whether you’re cramming for that final or tackling that work deadline you’ve put off until the last minute, you’ve probably had to stay up all night for one reason or another. Here’s how all that lost sleep takes a toll on your body.
1. Your body gradually begins absorbing any jewelry you’re wearing for energy: With many of your essential hormones running on fumes, your body will do whatever it takes to maintain function, including absorbing any jewelry you may be wearing and breaking it down for nutrients.
2. Your memories get relocated: When your brain becomes full, your body will begin storing memories in your liver.
3. Your brow can no longer furrow with the same passion: While you’ll still be able to furrow your brow, you won’t be able to do it with the same raw, uncompromised conviction as before.
4. Your sex drive becomes increasingly responsive to the Founding Fathers: The longer you go without sleeping, the more the fire in your loins burns for depictions of Benjamin Franklin, James Madison, and the other great men who set the course for our glorious nation.
5. Your favorite Pixies album will switch from Doolittle to Surfer Rosa: Typically happens after six to seven hours of sleep deprivation.
6. Your dad will get your nightmares: Your nightmares have to go somewhere. If you don’t go to sleep and have your nightmares, then your dad’s going to have your nightmares, and that’s not fair, because he’s already got nightmares of his own.
7. You gain one very bad year of your life: The good news is that you’ll live one more year; the bad news is that one of the intervening years will now be very, very bad.