If you can’t live without your smartphone, you might recognize some of these tell-tale signs.

1. When you go out to dinner with friends, you’re constantly looking down to talk to the phone salesman beneath the table: Let’s face it: Friends hate it when you’re out to dinner and you can’t stop chatting up the phone salesman curled around your feet to ask him about the latest models and plans.

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2. At concerts, you always shove your phone down the singer’s throat and into their stomach: Come on, you’re never going to watch that video later! Live in the moment instead of recording the performer’s gastrointestinal tract.

3. Instead of calling your parents “Mom and Dad,” you call them “Android and iPhone”: Maybe it’s a generational thing, but your parents don’t understand why you keep comparing their pros and cons.

4. Your closest friends are notifications: Think about your closest group of friends: Are they mostly pop-ups that appear on your phone telling you how many people liked your last Instagram post? If so, that doesn’t look good, bud!

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5. Fleshy stalks sprouted from your eyelids to hold your phone: Oh, boy. If you don’t even need to use your hands because you gradually evolved eye tentacles to hold it right up to your face, you’re probably addicted to your smartphone.

6. You use your phone every week: It’s pretty obvious that you have a problem if not a single week can go by without you calling someone or using the internet.

7. You used up your unlimited text messages and, in doing so, broke infinity: Every smartphone addict has been there. You destroy the continuum of time itself, and now the world’s top scientists are struggling to fix it. You just had to send one more text, didn’t you?

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