There’s always one.

1. You’re represented by a mailbox in the rearview sticker family on your mom’s SUV: You’re not even sure what kind of message that’s supposed to convey, but it stings anyway.

Advertisement

2. Your relatives won’t let you near fireworks on the Fourth of July because of a shared dream they all had: They won’t elaborate on the contents of the dream, but you have to assume that you don’t come out of it looking too good.

3. When you went to college, your parents made you study your brother: You wanted to major in art or science, but it was Brother Studies for you. And now, they want you to do a Ph.D. about him.

4. In every family photo, you appear as a wisp of dark smoke: If every photograph you take with your family depicts you as a thick, billowing pillar of smoke drifting toward the sky while the rest of your family smiles at the camera, this could be a sign that you don’t exactly fit in.

Advertisement

5. Your dad has taken you aside and said, “When I’m with you, I feel like my name is David Condom.”: Even though your dad has never explained to you what he meant by this, it definitely makes it clear that you’re an outsider.

6. The thought bubbles that appear above the rest of your family’s heads are filled with the image of a fox chewing off its own leg to escape from a snare trap, but the thought bubble that appears over your head is filled with the image of a fox chewing off its own leg for no reason: Could you be any more different?

7. Your biological parents demoted you to being their adopted child: Yeah, you get it. You know exactly where you stand.

Advertisement