A little planning goes a long way when it comes to mind expansion!

1. Prior to the trip, forget what birds are: When you’re tripping, you’ll eventually learn about birds, and it’ll blow your fuckin’ mind.

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2. Surround yourself with lots of sharp knives and guns: You’ll want to be able to fight off any terrifying creatures that might suddenly appear before you.

3. Set your alarm to go off every six seconds to remind you to breathe: Remember, safety first. It may seem “dorky,” but setting a breath alarm can save your life.

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4. Write the words “GOOD TIME” on your forehead: That way, if you’re feeling depressed at any point while tripping, you can just look in the mirror and be reminded of the type of time that you’re supposed to be having!

5. Politely ask any terminally ill loved ones to hold off on dying until after your trip: They will understand that you want your experience to be mind-opening, not sad.

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6. For god’s sake, make sure you husk all of your corn before you dose: If you want a pleasant trip, you’ve gotta make sure you husk every last ear of corn you’ve got. Yes, even the ones you have in your storehouse!

7. Keep a few Trivial Pursuit cards in your pocket: When you’re eventually stricken with a powerful and lasting sense that you know everything that everyone is going to say and, therefore, you know everything forever, a tough Science & Nature question can be your best route back to reality.

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