The struggle is so real.


1. Friends always think they’re the first one to suggest you just take your meals intravenously.

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2. Snippy waiters are your one true nemesis…and yet, night after night, you press your bodies together in desperate congress.

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3. Rather than deal with cafeteria food, it was always just easier to gnaw off part of your hand.

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4. Bread is pathetic.

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5. You’ve resigned yourself to picking all the salt out of your food for the rest of your life.

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6. You always feel bad when restaurants get your order wrong and you have to storm into the back howling, “Shit kitchen! Shit kitchen!”

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7. Nothing beats the thrill of finding one animal you like and eating it to extinction.

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