Telecommuters, you know this is you.
1. Shed your skin and walk around in just your muscles: You know what they say: At home, there is no dress code. So, take off your shirt, tie, epidermis, and connective tissue, and lounge the day away!
2. Yell “I want to push a bus full of dogs into a lake” as often as you want: Everyone who works remotely knows that when you’re alone, you have no filter, so you’re pretty much constantly screaming about pushing buses filled with various amounts of dogs into a lake.
3. Take a reverse shower, where filth sprays up out of the drain: When you don’t have coworkers or a boss sitting near you, personal hygiene goes right out the window. So, it’s okay to enjoy a reverse shower and wash yourself in a spewing geyser of brown sludge.
4. Kiss the CEO’s parents: You’d never get away with this in the office.
5. Cut your car in half with a chainsaw: Who wants to commute anyway? Working at home means no traffic jams, no more paying for gas, and getting to slice your car into tiny pieces of scrap metal.
6. Sculpt a coworker out of marble: It gets a little lonely being all by yourself, so it’s only natural to chisel a colleague out of stone.
7. Work: Admit it: Getting some work done is your guilty pleasure.