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Robots are pretty cool—in fact, in many ways, they’re far cooler than humans could ever be. But don’t get down on humanity just yet; there are some things out there that humans will always win at.
1. Scientists have invented a robot that is amazing at ping-pong. It probably thinks it’s really great, but can it sheepishly move back in with its mom when it’s 35? Bet it can’t.
2. Sure, robots are far superior to us at assembling automobiles, but at the end of a long, hard day at work, they can’t hold a candle to humans when it comes to burying our face in a pillow and weeping uncontrollably. In fact, most robots don’t even have beds.
3. Robots can defuse bombs. Humans can defuse bombs while sweating profusely in fear. Multitasking—try to keep up, robots.
4. Oooh! This robot is sooo impressive because it can seamlessly traverse the moon’s rough terrain and survive harsh atmospheric conditions by design. Well, you know what, robot? You can’t lose your best friend after years of watching yourself hopelessly drift apart from him or her, can you? What a chump.
5. Does T4-122 look at T4-121 quickly and efficiently fulfilling its assembly-line duties and secretly hope it fails miserably someday? Hardly. Sorry robots, you’re no match for us humans when it comes to silently resenting our neighbors for their success.
6. Okay, so we’ve created robots that can play chess as well as the greatest grandmasters in the world. But can a robot become convinced that its 4-year-old son has the potential to be a chess prodigy and force him to practice and compete in tournaments seven days a week while completely dismissing his repeated pleas for a normal childhood? Fat chance!
7. This robot may be able to function underwater, but could it ever develop an irrational fear of large bodies of water because it watched Jaws once when it was 14 and now is so scared that it won’t even go in lakes for fear of sharks? Have fun, sharkbait!
