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8 Historic Events We’d Tailgate If We Could

You’ve tailgated preseason games, college games, and playoff games, but have you ever developed time-traveling technology and gone back to get rowdy at history’s hottest party spots? When you’re finally ready to take the leap, this list has you covered.

1. Cuban Missile Crisis

The year is 1962, the tension is palpable, and the party is…off the hook! There are as many footballs flying around as there are anti-Russian sentiments, the true Cold War here is keeping the drinks from getting lukewarm, and the only thing getting nuked is that spinach and artichoke dip you threw together before leaving the house. Come up from your bunker and cheer America on to victory.

2. Painting of the Sistine Chapel

Just hanging out in the parking lot, cheering on Michelangelo as he goes, man. That’s the life.

3. Galileo’s appearance before the Roman Inquisition

The only person guilty of heresy at this tailgate is you if you can’t get that grill started! Cheer loudly for our hero and his theory of heliocentricity, but don’t get too wild, or you’ll find the kebabs aren’t the only thing roasting over an open flame.

4. Louisiana Purchase

Might as well enjoy a little French rule while you can. Celebrate the beauty of the 828,000 square miles changing hands while snacking on some bread and cheese, and throw a toast Thomas Jefferson’s way for his decision to not stress the lack of provisions in the Constitution about acquiring territory and instead just rolling with it. Party on!

5. Gettysburg Address

The speech is, like, two minutes long. You really have to milk that experience for all it’s worth.

6. Boston Tea Party

Not only can you break out the whiskey and make a mean hot toddy, you can also get as much kicking practice as you want punting those tea boxes right into the harbor.

7. Lunar landing

Sure, cell phone reception isn’t the best up there, making it harder to meet up with the guys, and you always have to move for the landers driving right through the middle of your space, but tossing around the pigskin in low gravity is always worth the hassle.

8. Signing of the Magna Carta

“Mag-na! Car-ta!” *Clap, clap, clap-clap-clap!*

Brought to you by Jack Daniel’s