Let’s face it: We’d all like to have more programming knowledge. But why should you invest the time and energy into actually learning to code? Here are eight reasons that will convince you.

1. You get to italicize text without having to call a professional: One of the most basic perks of coding is that you immediately learn to italicize all the text you want just as good as any professional. This could save you hundreds of dollars every year.

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2. Potential employers will start jumping in front of your car: With a valuable skill like coding, you’ll notice a sharp uptick in potential employers immediately throwing themselves in front of your vehicle. Just another advantage of being a programmer!

3. You get to spend more time with your computer: That feeling! Your chair pressing against your body, the fingers of both of your hands colliding with great pleasure against alphabet-themed keys. There’s nothing better, and when you’re a coder, you have an excuse to do it all the time.

4. Doctors will treat you like an equal: When you meet a physician or surgeon and tell them how you perform the computer surgery, they will look you in the eye, shake your hand, and say, “Continue doing your noble work, peer.”

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5. You will understand what’s happened when your banking info is stolen: While others will be left in the dark wondering how hackers managed to rip off their life savings, you will know exactly how it was done and be able to explain it to your loved ones.

6. You will meet girls with colored hair: If you’re sorely lacking in female acquaintances with neon red, blue, or green hair, learning to code will be a great way to finally introduce them into your social circle.

7. You will be able to run 3D simulations of a praying mantis getting smashed by a Bible: Have you ever wondered what it would look like if a praying mantis got smashed by a Bible? If you learn to code, you can use the power of the computer to create highly accurate 3D simulations depicting this dream scenario.

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8. You can code Theresa back to life: It has to be possible. It is possible. Yes, she may have a machine mind and a code body, but it will be the same Theresa, the same one, just the same. Yes, everything exactly as it always was. Ah, Theresa, soon, soon…