No matter how much you like someone, these eight things will do nothing to impress them.
1. Comment “You are sexual” on all of their Facebook photos: As romantic as this is, it just takes too much time to write this message on every single one of their Facebook photos, so it comes off as pretty desperate.
2. Orchestrate a scenario where you just happen to run into them as they get out of bed: It doesn’t matter how good you are playing it off as a coincidence—it’ll just freak them out.
3. Flirtatiously park your car on top of their car: It’s cute, but ultimately more trouble than it’s worth.
4. Hack the city electric grid to shut off power to your crush’s least favorite boulevard: Sure, your crush complains about that street all the time and says it doesn’t deserve the miracle of electric light, but that doesn’t necessarily mean they want it plunged into darkness.
5. Steal their bike to show them that you have the same kind of bike: C’mon. That’s the oldest trick in the book.
6. Protest their grandfather’s grave: If your crush sees you loudly demanding that their grandfather’s remains should not be allowed to be buried, you’re as good as dead in the water.
7. Get a crush on someone else: No! Stick to just one!
8. Hide little hints in their body during surgery: Leaving a heart-shaped sponge in their pancreas is a nice way to hint that you like someone, but sooner or later you’re going to have to step up and talk about your feelings.