Flying can be scary, but it doesn’t have to be. Try some of these tips next time you take a flight.
1. Remember that the plane is metal: Every time you find yourself getting antsy on a flight, take a moment to remember that metal is incredibly hard and virtually impossible to bend, so even if your plane did crash for some reason, it probably wouldn’t get damaged at all!
2. Ask the flight attendants if you can be their one save: It’s no secret that in the event of an impending crash, flight attendants can choose one passenger to come along in the escape pod. So why not ask if you can be that passenger? They might not be willing to commit, but it certainly can’t hurt to ask.
3. Break your flight into manageable chunks: A six-hour cross-country flight can be daunting for anyone, but if you break it into 12 little flights, giving yourself plenty of opportunities to get off the plane and regain your composure, you’ll find the experience much less stressful.
4. Remember that flying is the safest form of transportation other than the Professor’s bubblecopter: Statistically speaking, there’s really no place where you’re ever safer than on an airplane, with the exception of the Professor’s whimsically spectacular bubblecopter, which, sadly, will never become available for commercial travel unless the Professor agrees to turn over his secrets.
5. Take control of your fear: For many, the most unnerving aspect of flying is knowing that you have no control over your fate once you’re up in the air, but you can override this fear by simply forcing your way into the cockpit and insisting on steering the plane yourself.
6. Drive your marriage to the brink of ruin: It’s important to have distractions to take your mind off the flight, and nothing’s better for completely consuming your thoughts than knowing that the most important relationship in your life is teetering toward collapse.
7. Bring your car on the plane: Most people who are nervous about flying are perfectly at ease when driving a car. So, transfer that peace of mind to the sky by bringing your car as your carry-on and riding out the flight from the safety of the front seat of your sedan.
8. Think about how sad everyone would be if you died: Anxiety on planes is often tied to one’s fear of death, but the prospect of death becomes much less scary and far more satisfying when you think about how sad everyone would be if you died. You’d be the belle of the ball!