Sometimes it’s the littlest gestures that mean the most.
1. Point to the sky and say “That’s where Star Wars happened”: If you want to make someone happy, one of the easiest ways is to simply remind them of all the spectacular alien wars that happened just beyond our planetary atmosphere.
2. Take them to a nursing home and let them feed the residents pellets out of their hand: This is a special thing for anyone to experience, and their eyes will light up with wonder as the olds lick their palms clean.
3. Show them that chefs are just people: Seeing a chef can be scary because of their huge white heads, but if you show your friend that it’s actually just a hat that is making the chef’s head look huge and that they’re really just an ordinary person, your pal will be absolutely ecstatic.
4. Make a sign that says “Free Haircuts”: Even though there won’t actually be any free haircuts, just the thought of it will make someone excited and full of gladness.
5. Show them a tall building: They will be excited when they see how much taller the building is than all the other buildings—they won’t be able to stop clapping!
6. Suck on their penis with your lips: This is a fun and easy way to make someone feel cheerful. Try playing a happy song while you’re doing it, like “Surfin’ U.S.A.” by the Beach Boys, “Surfer Girl” by the Beach Boys, “Surf’s Up” by the Beach Boys, “Surfin’” by the Beach Boys, or “Surfin’ Safari” by the Beach Boys.
7. Let them shoot a gun at a cloud: Bang bang! Kill that cloud! So fun.
8. Remind them of all the soldiers who died just for them: It’s hard not to be delighted when you remember how cool and thoughtful it was for all those soldiers to die just so we could continue to have fun in America.
9. Put a wig on a fire hydrant: It’s great even just to think about it.