The only thing worse than saying one of these to a server is not tipping.


1. “Do you ever accidentally carry the customer into the kitchen instead of carrying the food to the table?”

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2. “Bring me a scallop so I can show you my scallop trick.”

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3. “Would you mind using this air horn to scare birds and spiders away from my food while I eat?”

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4. “Your wallet chain appears to have dunked itself in my soup.”

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5. “My name is Brandon. What is the appropriate menu item for Brandons?”

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6. “Please tell the chef that he is not strong enough. Thank you.”

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7. “Will you say grace for my meal? I’m not allowed to talk to God.”

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8. “Would it be in any way possible for you to take your hands out of my mouth?”

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9. “Sorry to call you at home, but I’m hungry again.”

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