When it comes time to rank the inches of the American cock, everyone’s got their opinion. But which inch of dick is really the best, and which leaves something to be desired? Let’s rank this monster.


8. Inch 5

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Widely considered the least memorable of the inches of cock, Inch 5 simply lacks the class, elegance, and pure physical appeal of the inches that come above and below it. Is it still a glorious inch of all-American python? Yes. Is it an utterly unremarkable one? Undoubtedly.


7. Inch 7

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Coming in just ahead of last place, Inch 7 lives in the shadow of far more dazzling inches of man sausage like Inch 1, Inch 8, and the magnificent Inch 3. While Inch 7 still plays a crucial role in the formation of a throbbing log of peen, it’s ultimately just not good enough.


6. Inch 4

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Like all the other inches on this list, Inch 4 is a triumphant chunk of cock flesh, but when all is said and done, we can’t help but feel that it’s essentially nothing more than a less stellar clone of Inch 3.


5. Inch 2

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Coasting by mostly on the work of its far more glorious predecessor, Inch 2 manages to do a sufficient job as a small slice of U.S.-made schlong, but at the end of the day, it still leaves something to be desired. The final verdict: mediocre.


4. Inch 8

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As the final and arguably most famous inch, Inch 8 rests above the top of the glorious morsel of meat like the Capitol dome. While it’s no Inch 3, no one could argue that the cock would be the same without Inch 8.


3. Inch 6

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At this point, the inches become harder and harder to rank. Many could argue that any of these inches deserve to be number one, and the case can certainly be made for Inch 6, the unsung hero. Beautiful. Dependable. Sturdy.


2. Inch 1

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The first inch. The one that started it all. Inch 1 bares the burden of all the inches that come after it. Thick, meaty, and the base of all magnificent inches of dong, Inch 1 (or “The Tree Trunk”) will always hold a place in any American’s heart. Inch 1, we salute you.


1. Inch 3

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This right here is the American dream. Just an absolutely immaculate cut of shaft. When one finds oneself gazing up and down a long, strong American rod, there are more highlights than the eye can take in, but we’d challenge anyone not to stop and gaze in awestruck majesty at Inch 3. It’s truly the best of the best. No questions asked.