All you science fans out there, get ready to have your minds blown with the most amazing discovery you’ll hear all week. A team of scientists just found perfectly good hardwood floors beneath the Earth’s crust!
Wow, this incredible finding is sure to completely turn the geological world upside down!
The landmark finding was made yesterday when a group of geologists based out of the University of Texas, drilling at a geological site outside Las Vegas, struck a layer of perfectly intact hardwood floors about three miles below the Earth’s surface. After striking hardwood, the research team spent the afternoon removing rock and soil from the flooring, which appears to be original and in great shape, to get a better look at what we’ve got here.
“We are excited to announce that our excavation team has discovered the Earth has a layer of very nice oak flooring below its crust that is in great condition,” explained professor Diane Markkanen with the University of Texas. “We’ll need to pull up the rest of the Earth’s crust to really get an idea of what we’re looking at, but assuming there’s no significant water damage, it looks like the Earth’s crust has just been sitting on some high-quality hardwood flooring all this time.”
Following extensive geological analysis, the team has determined the layer of hardwood flooring is pre-finished with a tasteful Jacobean stain. The researchers also noted that while certain portions of the hardwood flooring had tack strip glued to the floorboards, which will have to be pulled up and refinished, the researchers know a guy who lives near campus who’ll do that for less than $100. Otherwise, it looks like these are real beauties and once the Earth’s crust is completely stripped away, we’ll all be walking on some really top-notch hardwood flooring!
Needless to say, the research team at the University of Texas deserves a hearty congratulations! This is sure to go down as one of the biggest scientific findings of the past decade!