Mumbai is India’s most populous city, and it’s simply too large to do everything in just one day, so if you’ve only got 24 hours to spend in Mumbai, here are the five things you absolutely have to do to get the most out of your visit.

1. Visit the Blockbuster where Gandhi returned his copy of Without A Paddle: The city of Mumbai is home to many important historical sites, none of which is arguably more important than the Blockbuster where a dissatisfied Mahatma Gandhi returned his VHS copy of the Seth Green-Matthew Lillard buddy comedy Without A Paddle only weeks before he was assassinated.

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2. Appear as an extra in a Bollywood film about your own assassination: Mumbai’s film industry is booming, so it’s basically guaranteed that there is at least one movie in production about the day that you are going to be publicly murdered by a stranger. If you can show up early and take direction well, you might make it into the background of your own death scene, cheering with the rest of the onlookers as your fictional doppelgänger bleeds out in the street.

3. Check out Ganesha’s contemporary blues band, Crossfire: Playing a combination of Stevie Ray Vaughan classics and several original tunes, the elephant-headed Hindu god and his band can be found jammin’ at various open mics all over Mumbai almost every night. Whether you’re a devout Hindu or just a lover of great guitar tone and smooth licks, you’ve got to check these guys out if you’re in Mumbai.

4. Have a professional translate your Archie theories into Marathi and Hindi: You’ll need expert help to get the wording right on “Jughead is Hiram Lodge’s son from a sperm donation mix-up,” unless you want locals to think you’re some kind of idiot.

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5. Get some heavily discounted “Bombay Is For Swingers” mugs: The city officially changed its name to Mumbai in 1995 as a refutation of British colonial influence, but not before producing great heaps of otherwise perfectly functional mugs that can be yours today for pennies on the dollar.