A family photo from JC Penny.

If you’re the parent of a teenager, get ready to stand up and cheer, because the incredible people at JCPenney just made one of the most frustrating family errands about a million times easier. Starting this month, JCPenney Portrait Studios will now provide a mopey teen who will sit for your family photo if your own mopey teen refuses to get out of the car.

Now that’s how you accommodate your customers!

JCPenney announced this week that beginning this year, its in-store Portrait Studios will all employ a staff of moody teens who are paid to appear in your family photo if your own teen refuses to leave the car and instead insists on pouting in the backseat alone for an hour and a half. JCPenney reps explained that the JCPenney Portrait Studio teens will be dressed in attire like Trailer Park Boys T-shirts and smudgy black eyeliner to create the illusion that your own son or daughter is participating in making a timeless family memory and not sulking in the parking lot just outside because malls are “capitalist hellholes.”


The department store’s stand-in teens will also be trained to look at the camera with a sullen glare and swat your hand away every time you try to put your arm around their shoulder to pose for the picture. Plus, if at any time the photographer asks the JCPenney replacement teenager to smile, they are under strict instructions from the company to scream, “Don’t tell me to pretend to be happy, you corporate piece of shit!” It will be like your real kid is actually posing for the family photo!

It’s great to see a company that really knows how to fill the needs of the people who shop there! JCPenney just made posing for family portraits way easier. This is a shining example of amazing customer service, and we’re totally here for it.

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