Even though it’s been almost 10 years since 27-year-old Peter Baranek graduated from high school, he’s still constantly in the loop about his old classmates thanks to his mother, Wendy, who annoyingly won’t stop sending her son emails every single time she sees someone from his high school on PornHub.
Yikes. Ease off a bit, lady!
Even though he truly doesn’t care about what happens in his hometown anymore and has never expressed any interest in staying apprised, for some reason, Peter’s mom feels the need to constantly keep him updated on every last bit of gossip involving people he knew growing up, whether it’s former soccer teammates doing anal in casting couch videos or girls from his prom group riding Sybians. He’s informed his mom time and time again that he’d really rather not hear about this kind of stuff, but she nonetheless shoots him an email or text at least once a week keeping him abreast of the latest blowjob video she’s seen on PornHub involving someone from his high school days.
“It feels like practically every other day I’ll get an email from Mom where she’s like, ‘You’ll never guess who I saw getting tag-teamed by two Spanish guys in a pool while I was browsing PornHub today! It was Lindsay T. from your AP bio class!’” says Peter, adding that while he’s happy to know his former classmates are doing well, he doesn’t exactly need his mom to contact him every single time she comes across one of them getting Eiffel Towered online. “Sometimes, I’ll get multiple messages in my inbox a day like, ‘Hey sweetie! I just saw Kyle from your debate team taking a big-breasted brunette from behind,’ or ‘Melanie Shepherd and a woman playing her twin sister were fucking a pretend chemistry teacher on PornHub today, and it reminded me of when the two of you did that lab report about soap bubbles together.’ These are people from high school who I barely think about anymore, and I don’t know why my mom is so dead-set on dwelling in the past.”
As if the constant emails weren’t annoying enough, Peter says that his mom can also sometimes act really embarrassing when she runs into a familiar face on PornHub. Recently, his mom came across his classmate Jeremy from freshman English in a video called “MILF Teaches Naughty Stepson A Horny Lesson” and felt the need to comment, “Hi, Jeremy! This is Peter Baranek’s mom! So good to see you’re learning a horny lesson. Tell your real stepmom ‘Hi’ for me, and I’ll let Petey know I ran into you!” While she undoubtedly means well, chances are these people aren’t exactly thrilled to have the comments on their fuck videos commandeered by the mother of an old acquaintance they haven’t spoken to in over a decade.
It definitely sounds like Peter’s mom needs to tone it down a little. Here’s hoping she realizes sooner rather than later that she doesn’t need to send her son a full rundown every single time she spots a familiar face from her son’s past on PornHub. It definitely sounds like he’s getting pretty tired of it!