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Finally! A Family Lineage Website That Just Tells You The Bullshit You Want To Hear

Thanks to the internet, it’s easier than ever for amateur genealogists to browse digitized public records and newspaper clippings to discover their ancestors. But now, finally, there’s an ancestry website that skips all of that and just tells you the bullshit you want to hear!

That’s right. is the first family lineage website where users simply enter their name, answer a few questions about themselves, and then get told all the flattering garbage they could ever want to hear about where they come from.



According to the website’s founders, so far over 4 million people have already used to confirm that they’re descended from the Mayflower settlers or Leonardo da Vinci or Chuck Berry or whoever the fuck else they want to be related to. Not only that, but the website’s advanced search algorithm allows every single user to confirm that none of their ancestors were Nazis or slaveowners or anyone who did anything bad to Native Americans. Perfect!

Check out what users are saying on Twitter:


Excellent! Can’t wait to find out who we’re related to.

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