Illustration for article titled Find A Vein, You Nematode Sluts, Because Here Come 10 Mesofauna Taxa To Blow Your Shit To Nirvana

Look what we got here: a junkie. Looks like you haven’t slept in days. Want some of that squirmy wormy? A little bump of ’tode to take the edge off? Of course you do. You’re a slave to this shit.


1. Is this what you were looking for? That’s pure, mainlined Christmas right here. Real high-quality squirm.

Illustration for article titled Find A Vein, You Nematode Sluts, Because Here Come 10 Mesofauna Taxa To Blow Your Shit To Nirvana
Advertisement


2. Try scorching on this little wriggler. Fifty microns long, sensory bristles like a motherfucker—wild enough to make a ’tode slut like you lose your fucking shit.

Illustration for article titled Find A Vein, You Nematode Sluts, Because Here Come 10 Mesofauna Taxa To Blow Your Shit To Nirvana
Advertisement


3. Boom. Crystal-clear, uncut nematode. You likey? Does this eyeless soil-dweller make you tingle?

Illustration for article titled Find A Vein, You Nematode Sluts, Because Here Come 10 Mesofauna Taxa To Blow Your Shit To Nirvana
Advertisement


4. Excretory pores like these will make you lose your mind.

Illustration for article titled Find A Vein, You Nematode Sluts, Because Here Come 10 Mesofauna Taxa To Blow Your Shit To Nirvana
Advertisement


5. Bet you’ve never tranq’d on ’tode like this before. Much better than that basic dirt-mite shit you gutter punks go for.

Illustration for article titled Find A Vein, You Nematode Sluts, Because Here Come 10 Mesofauna Taxa To Blow Your Shit To Nirvana
Advertisement


6. Any phylum you need, just say the word.

Illustration for article titled Find A Vein, You Nematode Sluts, Because Here Come 10 Mesofauna Taxa To Blow Your Shit To Nirvana
Advertisement


7. Still shaking over there? Pathetic. Try some Venezuelan algae-fed. Ask around, you won’t find a more muscular sucking pharynx than this.

Illustration for article titled Find A Vein, You Nematode Sluts, Because Here Come 10 Mesofauna Taxa To Blow Your Shit To Nirvana
Advertisement


8. Tie off, fucker, here comes one with tubular gonads.

Illustration for article titled Find A Vein, You Nematode Sluts, Because Here Come 10 Mesofauna Taxa To Blow Your Shit To Nirvana
Advertisement


9. Now listen up, junkie: This shit here’s not for amateurs. You get about 800 of these fuckers together, and they can drop a corn moth in five minutes flat. Squirm at your own discretion.

Illustration for article titled Find A Vein, You Nematode Sluts, Because Here Come 10 Mesofauna Taxa To Blow Your Shit To Nirvana
Advertisement


10. Still not obliterated? Freebase on these papillae, then tweak for days.

Illustration for article titled Find A Vein, You Nematode Sluts, Because Here Come 10 Mesofauna Taxa To Blow Your Shit To Nirvana
Advertisement

Share This Story

Get our newsletter