If you’re traveling in Budapest and only have a limited amount of time to spend there, here are the five things you absolutely need to do to get the most of this beautiful and historic Hungarian city.

1. Assert yourself as the lifeguard at Rudas Bath by blowing a whistle nonstop and pointing at the sun: If you’re heading to this famous thermal bath, it’ll be worth your while to bring a whistle, blow it as hard as you can without pausing, and point overhead at the sun. This will make everyone think you are the lifeguard in charge of the Rudas Bath, and everyone in Budapest will soon be coming up to you and asking you to come save them from drowning.


2. Get some paprika for all of the deviled eggs you brought from home: Hungarian paprika is the best in the world, so don’t worry about topping the dozens of deviled eggs you brought in your suitcase until you get there.

3. Follow the trail that Ronald Reagan rode by bike to get to his speech at the Berlin Wall: You can still see the trash Reagan left on the trail as he rode his mountain bike across Europe in a cold sweat to get to the Berlin Wall in time for his historic speech!

4. Get a bunch of friends together and start a second Hungarian revolution: This time instead of against the Soviet Union, just pick an easier country, like New Zealand.


5. Swing by the world-famous Music Fountain and remind everyone that making a wish after tossing leftovers into the fountain does not work: While it may seem obvious to you that throwing leftover food into Budapest’s majestic Music Fountain and making a wish will not make your wish come true, you never know who will need a friendly reminder that only throwing coins into the fountain works for wishes. Anyone in Budapest who is currently throwing tupperware filled with spaghetti into the Music Fountain will thank you for your advice!