All Hallows’ Eve comes just once a year! This Halloween, here’s how you can turn your own car into a traumatically frightening experience!
1. Create a CD that’s six hours of silence punctuated by sudden, blood-curdling screams at random intervals and have it playing at all times on maximum volume: Will the next 130-dB shriek sound off in the next 15 seconds or the next 15 minutes? Who knows! Soon, your car will be the talk of all the trick-or-treaters who see you incontinent with fear behind the wheel.
2. Tow a giant cage filled with several hundred bats behind your car so when you look in your rearview mirror, it always appears as though a cloud of bats is chasing you: This is a one-way ticket to fear—exactly how October 31 is meant to be spent in your car.
3. Paint a spooky night sky on the inside of your windshield: A witch on a broom flying in front of a full moon. Ghosts soaring through clouds. A constellation that spells “BOO!” These are just a few Halloween windshield obstructions that will chill you to the bone.
4. Tie a rope to each windshield wiper, and then tie the opposite ends of the ropes around the necks of two rabies-infected possums sleeping in your backseat: If it storms, you can be sure that your car will be a regular Dracula’s possum-infested castle on wheels!
5. Three words: Car. Window. Guillotines: Imagine it: You’re rolling up the windows to escape the cold autumn air and suddenly a window-size blade shoots down, nearly severing your arm. This is a car-based Halloween tradition you’ll want to bring back year after year.
6. Think about Frankenstein unbuckling you: Only for extreme Halloween fanatics—not for the fainthearted.
7. Place three pregnant tarantulas in your glove compartment, wait a week, open the glove compartment, and your car will soon be filled with tarantulas: Happy hauntings in your car!!!