Are you finally ready for the big move? If these things are happening to you, it might be time to consider a new life on the West Coast!

  • The mayor of New York arrives at your door with a broom to shoo you away.
  • You did not immediately become rich, successful, and famous in New York.
  • The urn with your grandfather’s ashes starts to whisper “Now” instead of “Soon.”
  • Pizza wilts when you touch it.
  • Your fortune teller pulled out a tarot card that had the Beach Boys on it.
  • The New York Post publishes your obituary every day.
  • Just before vanishing over the horizon, the sun says “Follow me.”
  • You’re a Coppola, damn it, and it’s time you started behaving like one.

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