My name is Lance Byron and I’m an advertising executive. I’m the CEO of my own advertising firm called Bitch Horizons, Inc. I have recently come up with a really good idea for an advertisement. It is a cute animal mascot named Genocide Camel, and if any corporation would like to use it as the face of their company, they are welcome to buy the rights from me.
If you run a Fortune 500 company and you are interested in making Genocide Camel your mascot, please contact me immediately.
The character of Genocide Camel is very simple. Basically there are 10 things you need to know about him:
- He is a camel
- He finds genocide very interesting
- He cleans himself by lifting his leg and licking his own groin like a cat
- He’s in love with former first lady Barbara Bush and he wants to sleep with her more than anything
- He is a friend to all children
- He coughs up pearls like a clam
- His camel hump is filled with blue cheese dressing instead of water
- Fish swim in the blue cheese dressing in Genocide Camel’s hump and the fish get sick and die inside of his hump
- Even though he is a camel, he is biologically capable of producing offspring with donkeys, humans, and spiders
- He uses his disgusting yellow teeth to bite firemen and other brave heroes
I call these facts “The 10 Commandments Of Genocide Camel,” and any company that uses Genocide Camel as their mascot is not allowed to change them in any way.
There are all sorts of ways that a major corporation could use Genocide Camel to represent their brand. You could have a commercial where Genocide Camel coughs up a pearl like a clam and then uses that pearl to buy your company’s product. You could make a commercial where Genocide Camel mates with a spider and the spider gives birth to a baby spider with a camel head and Genocide Camel names the baby after your company. You could make a commercial where Genocide Camel masturbates to a picture of Barbara Bush and at the moment of orgasm, he screams out “Microsoft!” (this commercial will only work for the company Microsoft).
It will be very easy to integrate Genocide Camel into any company’s existing marketing campaign. Here is an example of how well Genocide Camel would work as the mascot for the shoe company Nike: If Nike wanted to make Genocide Camel their official mascot, they could make a commercial where Genocide Camel uses electricity to bring former first lady Barbara Bush back from the dead. When Barbara Bush comes back to life she says, “I’m back from the grave and I’m ready to cuckold my dead husband President George H.W. Bush.” Genocide Camel says, “I’ll have sex with you, your majesty. I’m a camel who thinks genocide should happen to all races and ethnicities.” And Barbara Bush says, “Sorry, Genocide Camel, I won’t have sex with you because you aren’t wearing good sneakers.” Then Genocide Camel puts on Nike sneakers and Barbara Bush says, “Cool sneakers, Genocide Camel. Let’s both have sex with me.” And then Genocide Camel and Barbara Bush both have sex with Barbara Bush, thus cuckolding her dead husband, President George H.W. Bush. When Genocide Camel has an orgasm, he coughs up a pearl like a clam. Then Nike logo appears on the screen and instead of “Just Do It,” the new Nike slogan is, “Nike: Genocide Camel wants to be friends with your kids.”
I believe that this commercial would cause worldwide sales of Nike to triple in 24 hours. My employees at Bitch Horizons, Inc., have run the numbers, and they are correct. I have similar commercials written to meet the needs of hundreds of publicly traded corporations.
If your company already has a mascot, that’s no problem. Just make a commercial where Genocide Camel kills your current mascot. Genocide Camel is good at murder and it would be no problem for him to kill anything.
I have many other ideas about Genocide Camel, but I cannot tell them to you right now because I need to go to the hospital. If you own a billion-dollar company like Google, Amazon, or BallBagg.com, please contact me by email and we can start talking about making Genocide Camel the face of your business. It has never been easier to make Genocide Camel part of your life. I’m looking forward to hearing from you.
Genocide Camel is real and I keep him chained up underground.