Spraying your marshmallows with poison seems like a commonsense, fail-safe way to keep them safe from hungry deer. But be forewarned, because if you think that’s going to work, then you’re making the biggest mistake of your life.

Don’t waste your time. Poison will do nothing to stop the deer.

It’s counterintuitive but true: No matter how many spritzes of deadly poison you apply, it’s guaranteed to have no effect on the insatiable deer entering your yard and eating all your precious marshmallows. You may think of poison as a deterrent, but most poisons don’t smell or taste strongly enough to negate the alluring scent of marshmallows, so the deer won’t even notice the toxins until long after they’ve ingested your entire collection.

And just like that, what you thought was a clever marshmallow protection plan has left you with the added inconvenience of deer carcasses strewn about your backyard. You would have been better off hiding your marshmallows at the top of a tree or burying them inside a microwave like an actual citizen of the 21st century.

Simply put, if you’re still using poison to protect your marshmallows, you’re doing it wrong.

As long as there are marshmallow-obsessed deer prowling the woods, this is a problem every marshmallow owner is bound to encounter. The sooner people stop relying on the doomed strategy of poison spray, the more of their marshmallows they’ll be able to protect.

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