Fraternities are usually only in the news for horrifying or tragic reasons, but this story totally flips the script and might just put a smile on your face in the process: The guys in the dorky fraternity are really giving hazing their best shot this year, and it’s simply adorable.
Aww! A for effort.
Following several years of being too dweeby to haze their pledges, the members of the University of Maryland chapter of Delta Epsilon Phi, a frat for library science majors, decided they’d give it a try by driving their pledges around in a van blindfolded for 15 or 20 minutes before leaving them back at their dorms. Clearly putting their little hearts into it, the Deltas also tried to simulate the van being pulled over by the police, but the brother pretending to be the police officer kept laughing, and when he tried to “arrest” the pledges, no one really bought it.
The following day, the upperclassmen tried their absolute hardest to instill brotherhood through ritualized shame by making their pledges stand in a kiddie pool full of room-temperature water and recite each other’s first names. They even made the kid who messed up crab-walk across their lawn for about 20 feet, but eventually called it off because they wanted to get a few hours of studying in before going to bed at 10:30 p.m. since one of the frat officers had a big exam the next morning. It’s almost like it never even occurred to these sweethearts that they could have made all their 18-year-old pledges drink three bottles of tequila while naked and chained to a fence.
It may not be the legit kind of hazing that involves serious physical and psychological abuse for no reason, but you really have to give this loser frat credit for doing its damnedest. It is just so sweet that these dorks think that their darling rites of passage even hold a candle to the kind of initiation that normal frats force onto their pledges. We’re behind you, guys. It’s the thought that counts!