Major Breakthrough: NASA Scientists Have Discovered A Nearby Exoplanet Capable Of Supporting All Of Janet’s Bullshit

There’s a new astronomical discovery that’s so monumental that scientists say it could change the way we think about outer space forever: NASA scientists have just discovered a nearby exoplanet capable of supporting all of Janet’s bullshit.

Wow. This truly is a watershed moment for space exploration!

NASA’s Kepler space observatory first uncovered this small exosolar planet last week, and the implications of what such a monumental discovery could mean for the future of Janet’s bullshit has sent shockwaves throughout the scientific community. Preliminary research suggests that the celestial body possesses the rare atmospheric and geological properties that would render it able to sustain Janet’s whole annoying fucking deal. The planet, which orbits a star 25 light-years away from Earth, has not only the oxygen necessary to enable Janet’s constant complaining about trivial minutiae that everyone else just deals with like adults, but also the large bodies of liquid water necessary to maintain Janet’s bullshit diet in which she’s always asking for extra lemons in her water to help “detox” her liver, whatever the fuck that means.


There’s no doubt that this is a monumental discovery and creates new possibilities for Janet’s bullshit one day existing in the far reaches of outer space. Although NASA has discovered thousands of similar exoplanets in recent years, only a fraction of those have even a few of the characteristics necessary to permit whatever unbearable fucking nonsense Janet has going on at any given time.

What an amazing look into the unknown! It makes you wonder how many other, similar planets capable of providing viable conditions for Janet’s whole deal could be out there. We can’t for NASA’s next incredible discovery!

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