Don your tartan-print leisure knickers and command Barkley to warm up the Rolls-Royce, because McDonald’s is releasing a toothsome new offering for America’s blue-blooded lads. In a press release this morning, the fast-food giant announced it is coming out with a new fig and ladyfinger McFlurry for fancy little boys who desire a treat.
Ah, how splendid!
Marketed as the McDandy, this fig-based confection is served inside of fine porcelain saucers gilded with Baroque, gold-leaf patterns, making for a luxurious yet yummy after-dinner indulgence for monied young moppets who yearn to cap off an afternoon of backgammon and bidding on antique baubles at Christie’s by stuffing their rosy cheeks with something sweet and decadent. Little lords who would prefer not to rub elbows with grubby commoners in the restaurant can pay for a car-side service upgrade, where a tuxedoed McDonald’s employee will deliver your McDandy to your idling vehicle and adorn you with a Turkish-cotton bib so you don’t risk sullying your silken ascot if any of the beluga caviar “sprinkles” happen to spill onto your shirtfront.
“At McDonald’s, we strive to have something for everyone on our menus, which is why we are pleased to offer our new McDandy for aristocratic young fellows who wish for a goody,” the company said in a press release. “After a long day of summering, practicing French with Nanny, or waving a pennant at the America’s Cup, we want society’s fanciest boys to know that they’ve always got an exquisite sugared treat waiting for them at McDonald’s. And should you not have a hankering for something sweet, it’s just as satisfying to buy a McDandy if only to gleefully pour it out into the gutter while a wide-eyed, hungry street urchin stares on longingly.”
Wow, this sounds truly resplendent. The one downside is that this new fig and ladyfinger McFlurry is available for a limited time only. So if you’re a fancy boy, be sure to pick one up now before McDonald’s returns to serving exclusively plebeian desserts.