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Prince Harry and his wife, Meghan Markle, have made headlines this week after they announced their independence from the British Royal Family, and it turns out that the couple has caused even more turmoil than we originally thought. In a dramatic public statement this morning, Queen Elizabeth revealed that Harry and Meghan took all 50 sets of her dentures with them when they left Buckingham Palace.

This is absolutely disgraceful! Harry and Meghan should be ashamed of themselves for stealing false teeth from a lady as wonderful as the Queen!

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In a press conference held on the front steps of Buckingham Palace, the Queen revealed that her grandson Prince Harry and Meghan, Duchess Of Sussex, had looted her large supply of artificial teeth before departing for their new home in Canada. The Queen says that she spent the entire afternoon yesterday running through the streets of London with a meat cleaver in an attempt to track them down and murder them to get her dentures back, but ultimately could not find them and settled for murdering an innocent green grocer who looked a little like her husband, Prince Philip, instead.

“I used to have so many lovely sets of dentures, but yesterday, I went to put my dentures into my mouth so that I could bite my great-grandson, Prince George on the leg, and when I crawled under my bed to get them, I discovered that the garbage bag where I keep all 50 sets of my false teeth had been stolen by Harry and Meghan on their way out of the palace,” Queen Elizabeth said to members of the press and a large crowd of British subjects. “I’m now forced to wear my plastic vampire teeth, which I usually reserve for special occasions such as Christmas and Princess Diana’s funeral.”

Queen Elizabeth says that she’s tried to get Harry and Meghan to return her dentures by emailing them the message, “I’m going to kill you,” but she says that Harry and Meghan smugly responded by emailing her a video of the two of them using her dentures to crack walnuts. The Queen says she fears that Harry and Meghan will never return her dentures to Buckingham Palace and that she will have to start eating her food by having her husband run over her meals with his car so that she can get down on all fours and eat the mashed-up food off of the driveway with her toothless gums.

There’s no two ways about it: Tensions in the Royal Family have never been higher, and now that Harry and Meghan have moved out and taken the Queen’s teeth with them, the chances of reconciliation seem pretty slim. It will be interesting to see if the rest of the Royal Family sides with the Queen or with Harry and Meghan in this fight over the Queen’s stolen dentures!

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