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Science FTW: After An Exhaustive 3-Hour Social Media Study, MIT Researchers Have Determined That Brian’s New Girlfriend Is Not Even That Pretty

An incredible team of scientists have just completed a groundbreaking study that’s going to make science fans everywhere stand up and cheer. After an exhaustive three-hour social media study, researchers at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology have officially determined that Brian’s new girlfriend is not even that pretty.

Wow! This is yet another example of the amazing powers of science.

The landmark study on the relative attractiveness of this girl Brian just started dating was conducted between the hours of 12:30 and 3:30 a.m. last night in an attempt to discover who the hell she thinks she is and sought, among other things, to determine if she’s even a little hot or anywhere close to being good enough for Brian. More than 20 scientists from MIT analyzed data from more than 1,600 social media posts, and included a thorough survey of the types of comments and hashtags she uses on Instagram to determine if her personality is all that interesting or if she’s the sort of cringeworthy person that Brian would for sure dump as soon as he comes to his senses.

The scientists say they have found compelling evidence that Brian’s new girlfriend is honestly not that pretty, and that it’s totally weird that Brian would go for someone like her.


“Our data indicates that even in photos where Brian’s new girlfriend looks kind of pretty, it’s only because she’s getting really lucky with the lighting or because she’s taking a high-angle selfie that’s making her look way hotter than she actually is if you saw her in person,” said lead researcher professor Mindy Crestwick. “Our laboratory findings also suggest that Brian doesn’t even look that happy with her, which is a discovery that leaves us with many exciting follow-up research questions about what Brian could possibly see in this girl and how long this relationship could possibly last.”

Yep. Another day, another badass victory for science! These amazing researchers deserve all the applause for their amazing discoveries. Their incredible research has laid the groundwork for hours of future analysis of Brian’s new girlfriend and we can’t wait to see what else they find out!

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