Ready to up your on-the-go beauty game? Check out these tips from some of the world’s top models.
1. Jasmine Tookes
“My favorite must-have accessory is definitely a lightweight silk shawl, which not only matches virtually everything I own but also tastes absolutely delicious. If I’m walking down the street and feel even the slightest bit hungry, I’ll just throw my shawl into my mouth and chew on the fabric until it’s tender enough to swallow. And even though it tastes amazing, it’s WAY cheaper than your average lunch or dinner out in Paris. Quiznos’ new clothing stores sell it for just $5, and it tastes exactly like Valentino.”
2. Chanel Iman
“My disgraced family physician, Dr. Jean-Louis Gingrich, once told me that if you only have time to focus on one feature before you go out for the night, focus on the head. He was later arrested for crucifying more than 200 feral cats in New York City and selling their remains on the dark web, so I don’t know what the rest of that beauty tip is, but I follow it to this day.”
3. Gisele Bündchen
“Anytime I leave the house, I make sure to amp up my look by bringing along a woman who looks much, much worse than me. Whether I’m going to a gala or simply walking to the store, the woman is always by my side, making me look incredible and slowly dying because I don’t let her sleep very often or give her any vitamin-rich foods. Really, dressing her in shapeless robes and preventing my husband Tom Brady from falling in love with her is a lot of work, but if you have the time to starve a woman of her natural glow, I highly recommend it.”
4. Kate Moss
“I swear by Mama Falconi’s Teriyaki Supreme Face Mask. If you apply it at night right before you go to bed, then hop in a pan and put yourself on the stove for about 15 minutes with several types of nutrient-rich vegetables, like bok choy and bean sprouts, you’ll look and taste incredible. And for a heartier, more filling look, try serving yourself over a bowl of white rice—your skin will be moist, tender, and still under 500 calories.”
5. Karlie Kloss
“I’m always telling young girls that the most beautiful thing about you isn’t your looks. It’s your unstoppable, genetically modified superhuman brain. Sure, looks fade, but on the inside, your ability to use your brain to either implant thoughts into a security guard’s mind or telepathically lift a car and throw it at an enemy, is forever. The truth is, your value isn’t defined by whether you’re a size 0 or a size 12, but if a government doctor tries to analyze your alien brain but it blows up the CT scanner with an incredible wave of electricity, killing him instantly, that’s real beauty.”
6. Adriana Lima
“If I’m in a rush and don’t have time to throw a look together, I’ll just invent a worldwide trend that takes the fashion industry by storm. For example, I woke up late today, so I think I’ll just wear green lipstick and make millions of young girls across the world think they have to do the same!”
