If it ain’t one of these, then it ain’t a motorcycle.

1. This one

This is the American Rumble Buggy. Beef boys drive these ones because they’ve got the leather parkas and big thighs to tame ’em. They haul around from neighborhood to neighborhood with their gristle wives on their backs, proving how loud these chunk wagons can scream. You do not wear helmets on this motorcycle. We cannot stress that enough.

2. The other one

This is the Kawasaki Ninja motorcycle. It’s for dangerous men who like ripping in circles and driving so fast that they smash into cars and explode. This motorcycle is covered in the bright plastic that makes all the women howl. You must wear a helmet when you drive this kind of motorcycle. It is from Japan.

That’s everything you need to know about motorcycles. Now let’s ride!